


The Perks of Being Human

by FearTheSpork



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: F/M, It's Trixie's birthday!, Remember season one?, Season One fic, Where nothing hurt?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-10-07 17:53:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10366170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FearTheSpork/pseuds/FearTheSpork
Summary: It's Trixie's birthday and unless Chloe can pull a bike and a dad out of thin air, it's going to majorly blow. Meanwhile, Lucifer is taking some sound advice.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I found this on my Tumblr and realised that I never actually posted it here. It's set early Season one and the reference to an incident in Lux is a throwback to 'Beat of my Drum' in which Lucifer gives Chloe a.... helping hand *ehem* in the middle of his nightclub (in case anyone wants to go back and read that one first). For reference, of course.
> 
> So yeah, this is a throwback and I thought it'd be nice to post it for people who've never read it before. Something short and sweet to tide you all over until I can write something long and filthy.

She was brooding.

Of course she would never, ever admit to it but she was. Mug of coffee in her hand and a robe wrapped around her, Chloe stared blankly out of the kitchen window, not even really seeing the sunrise.

Trixie’s room was still dark and she could hear her snoring softly. She allowed a smile for that, eyes flickering to the clock again. 

In half an hour at precisely eight o'clock, Trixie would wake up, spring out of bed and run into the living room. She’d be bouncing with excitement, practically vibrating off of the walls and unable to contain herself.

She would officially be eight years old.

Chloe bit her lip hard and let her eyes close. Her little girl was about to have a really crap birthday and it stung all the more that she’d been so excited all week about it.

Everywhere she’d gone and everyone she’d met, that was all she talked about. Even when Lucifer had dropped by on Monday to discuss their current case, Trixie had babbled on and on about her special day.

Lucifer had been his usual self. Terrible with anyone under eighteen and wary of every movement but Trixie had barely noticed. Lucifer on the other hand had noticed Chloe’s expression when Trixie had mentioned the bike she so wanted.

After she’d sent her daughter to watch TV, she’d been forced to admit everything to him.

Mainly because he wouldn’t stop asking her why she looked so grumpy.

There would be no bike waiting for her daughter because and it still pained her to admit it, she simply hadn’t been able to afford the damn thing. What little money she had saved up since Christmas had gone on luxury’s like fixing the rattle in her car and the hospital bill when Trixie had gotten a bead stuck up her nose.

 _That_ was a story for another day.

The rest had gone on a cake, some small presents and food for the party that afternoon. Well, Trixie called it a party. Thankfully it was only a few of her friends and their mom’s coming over to sing happy birthday and play for a while. 

Maybe that would help lessen the sting of an otherwise not wonderful day.

Frowning, Chloe took another sip of lukewarm coffee. She knew that Trix would put on a brave face and say something beyond her years like she always did, but that wasn’t the point.

Not being able to provide for her own child had made her feel like a failure, pure and simple.

She’d even gone as far as to ask Dan if he could get her the bike but he was of little help and the feeling of failure had just magnified by ten under the pitying gaze he’d given her. Hell, that was another sore spot to deal with today. Dan was out of town on some seminar that the department had insisted he attend and wouldn’t be home again until Sunday night.

So he was playing the absent father routine brilliantly.

Smug look when he showed her his pile of gifts for their daughter? Check.

Making her feel two feet tall? Check.

Not even being there on the day even though he’d promised two weeks ago? Check and check again.

So, the clock feeling more like the countdown to a bomb going off? Yeah, completely justified in this case. 

A light rapping on the door startled her out of her thoughts so hard that she almost spilled coffee all over herself. Her eyes snapped back to the clock and if possible, she frowned even harder. 

She wasn’t expecting anyone until Trixie’s party at three, so who in the hell was at the door?

She sent up a brief prayer that maybe Dan had cancelled the trip at the last minute but she knew deep down that he was somewhere in New York right now enjoying his pre-paid suite in a fancy hotel.

She wasn’t so much disappointed when she swung open the door and Lucifer was standing there with an easy grin on his face. She was more surprised. The fact that it wasn’t even eight o'clock yet and he was- 

Oh my God what was he _wearing?_

“Good morning Detective!” he blared out and she stopped staring long enough to shush him. “Sorry. Good morning Detective,” he repeated, slightly softer than before.

“Good morning… Lucifer,” she shook her head to clear it. “What in God’s name are you wearing?”

He looked down at himself, confused. When he looked back up at her, his expression said it all. “A tee-shirt and jeans,” he said slowly, as though he were talking to a child. “You’re a little slower at this time of the morning aren’t you?”

She scoffed. “Well, excuse me but I didn’t think you owned anything other than suits and those obscenely short silk robes that you insist on wearing around your apartment.”

His smirk almost made her blush.

“What’s wrong Chloe, feeling a little tense? Fancy another helping hand from your’s truly?”

He wiggled his fingers in front of her face and she did blush then as all those memories from their night at the club came flooding back, along with a warm tingling sensation between her thighs. She quickly changed the subject and directed the attack right back at him.

It didn’t matter how nicely his shirt hugged his body, or the fact that he looked so good dressed in jeans. All that mattered was- “What are you even doing here? In twenty-five minutes I’m going to have my hands full, so whatever it is, please make it quick.”

He gave her a look that said _‘isn’t it obvious?’_ and when she didn’t bite, he sighed. “It’s your child’s day of birth is it not?” he answered, as though it was the most well known fact in the world.

Chloe was taken aback. She hadn’t thought Lucifer was even listening to Trixie as she’d rambled on the other day.

She managed a nod.

“Well then. Here,” an envelope in Trixie’s favourite colour was shoved into her hands suddenly, her daughter’s name written across the front in gorgeous cursive that made her instantly jealous. When she forgot to speak again, he continued. “Oh yes and I got her that bike you said you couldn’t get. I wasn’t sure which colour she’d like because they didn’t have one in green, so I just got a blue and a purple one.”

He stepped to one side before Chloe could even register what he’d just said, revealing two shiny new bikes parked on the front lawn and she felt her jaw drop without her say so.

“Lucifer…” she choked out and to her extreme embarrassment, she felt hot tears sting her eyes.

His smile faltered. “Oh bollocks are they not the right ones? I can take them back and change them in you want-" 

"No, they’re perfect. This is perfect,” she gave him a sincere watery smile and he cocked his head at her as though she was the oddest creature he’d ever seen in his life. She sniffed hard and wiped her eyes on her sleeve, swallowing down any more tears because now maybe this day wouldn’t be a total disaster after all. “I can’t believe you remembered.”

He looked almost bashful when she said that. 

“Yes well, the child does prattle on. Something must have stuck,” he waved his hand carelessly as he swiped the compliment aside. “Now, where do they go?”

“Oh sorry! Come on in,” she stepped aside, watching him bend and pick up both bikes like they weighed nothing and walk past her into the living room. He set them down carefully next to the presents she’d arranged under the banner when she’d gotten up that morning. “Lucifer I really don’t know what to say… Those bikes were so expensive and I don’t have any money to pay you back.”

Now that the initial surprise and relief had worn off, she was torn. The price tag for one of those would have scared off most people and here she was with two of them in her living room.

Could she really accept such an extravagant gift from him? It would almost be like she was using him and that didn’t sit right with her.

He straightened up, looking so normal in his Black Sabbath shirt and blue jeans that she almost forgot for a moment just who he was. 

“Chloe, I have more money than I’ll ever be able to spend,” he said and from anyone else that would have sounded like bragging pure and simple. But she knew that he didn’t really think about how much things cost.

Case and point, she thought, looking at the bikes again.

“It’s your daughter’s birthday and these are my gift. As of now, they are unable to be returned,” he gave her a winning smile and she knew the battle was over. He’d won this round and she wasn’t so sure that she was even upset about it. “Now, I think it’s time I got to finish making that omelette. Go shower and breakfast will be on the table when you get back." 

When she hesitated he gave her a filthy grin.

"Unless you’d rather I join you and we have a different kind of breakfast altogether,” he waggled his eyebrows and promptly got a cushion to the face as she raced out of the room.

  
–

  
Two hours later and Trixie Decker was having the best day ever. 

Chloe watched her daughter riding down the street, tongue caught between her lips in concentration and her smile could have lit L.A if someone had plugged her in.

After the initial screaming and squealing and “ _Two bikes!? This is the greatest day ever!_ ”, she hadn’t thought anything could possibly beat the feeling of watching her daughter completely lose her mind over her gifts. 

But then Trixie had spotted Lucifer standing behind the stove, bacon and eggs wafting temptingly through the house and Chloe had thought she’d have to tie her child to something heavy to stop her tackling the man to the ground.

Then, to her even greater surprise, Lucifer had actually… responded to Trixie.

Instead of the usual flinching and awkwardness, when the eight year old had barrelled towards him at high speed, he’d simply bent at the waist to meet her part way and swept her up into his arms. 

No hint of his usual self in sight.

And in his arms Trixie had stayed until he was done making breakfast for all three of them. It was effortless the way he shifted her around as though she was made of paper instead of a growing child.

Chloe could only watch from the other side of the counter, occasionally catching his eye and trying her best to hide her grin.

Maybe it was the fact that he’d clearly taken note of her troubles from Monday and gone out of way to fix them. Maybe it was the look of sheer adoration on her daughter’s face as Lucifer conversed with her as he would an adult. Maybe it was the almost normal outfit. Or maybe it was because he’d literally saved the disaster of a day in the space of an hour.

But she was seeing him in a whole new light.

That must have been why she’d had a judgement lapse and asked him to stick around. She could hardly throw him out now that he’d cooked for them and basically acted like well, an angel all morning. Hell, she hadn’t even thought he would say yes but again he was all about surprises and he’d simply smiled and nodded.

_“Of course. Didn’t think I would miss the party did you? I simply love parties.”_

_She’d eyed him with a knowing smirk._

_“All the mom's are married, Lucifer.”_

_“Not all of them,”_ he’d let his eyes run over her in that disarming way that he did and she was suddenly thankful that Trixie was distracted wolfing down her bacon and eggs.

So after a brief trip to the park on her new bike and a movie of Trixie’s choosing (which both Trixie and Lucifer had asked questions about the whole way through and hadn’t heard a word of), the Detective and her… friend were sitting side by side on the front porch and waiting for the guests to arrive.

“Lucifer,” Chloe turned her head to him and he looked to her.

“Hmm?”

“Why are you doing all this?” There it was. The million dollar question that had been on her mind all morning. “The bikes, the breakfast, not being all awkward when Trix hugged you,” she furrowed her brow, studying him and searching for an answer.

He snorted softly. “Look, don’t think I’ve gone all soft on you. I’m still very much the Devil, all handsome and evil.”

“Like how you just _had_ to add in handsome,” she drawled, amused.

“It’s a curse,” he responded dryly. “Anyway, like I said, don’t read a lot into this thing. I’ll be back to my normal suits and child avoidance tomorrow. I’m not even sure this getup works for me anyway,” he squinted up at the cloudless sky, missing the way her gaze trailed over him.

“Oh it works.”

“Detective! I didn’t know you cared,” his tongue curled against his teeth. She smirked, leaning towards him a little.

“Don’t read into it Lucifer,” she repeated his own words back to him. “I’ll be back to actively avoiding you tomorrow.”  

He laughed, genuine and long and it warmed her inside. “Yes, well I deserved that. If you really must know Chloe, I heard through the grapevine that Detective Douche was going to be noticeably absent from any celebrations today. As a child of an absentee Father myself I’m well aware of how much it stings. I thought I could maybe take her mind off of things.”

She was silent for a moment, cocking her head to the side as he avoided her gaze. 

Then, without saying anything else, she leaned across the gap and pressed a long kiss to his cheek. His stubble was rough on her lips but being this close to him was an experience in itself. When she pulled back, his expression was a picture. “You’re not so bad sometimes, you know?”

Before he could respond though, Trixie was parking her bike and running towards them. 

“Mommy! Lucifer!” she was breathless and grinning when she collapsed gracelessly into Lucifer’s lap. “I think my friends are here,” she motioned to the end of the street. “I saw their car.”

Chloe was almost disappointed that she would now have to share Lucifer with several other ladies for the remainder of the afternoon, because married or not, he was like sex on legs and completely irresistible. 

“Well then, let’s go and say hello shall we?” Lucifer broke her train of thought just as the two cars pulled into the driveway. The man in question set Trixie in her normal position on his hip and they watched as four exasperated moms climbed out of the car and went around to the back doors to release the little terrors.

While they were getting organised and pulling presents from the boot, Lucifer leaned over to her. “Please try not to leave me alone with all the children. One is okay but five…” he looked both disgusted and horrified at the same time.

“Don’t worry. I’ve got your back.”

“Good. I only have so much patience.”

Then the crowd was upon them and Trixie was hopping down from Lucifer’s arms to greet her friends. All four mothers wound through the children to say hello to Chloe as Lucifer hovered at her side, suddenly unsure of what he should be doing. He had promised himself that he would be as good as gold today.

No finding out people’s hidden desires (housewives and married women always had the best ones too) and no being too overtly sexual. At least not with anyone else. With Chloe on the other hand…

Then one excited voice cut through the others.

“This is my moms boyfriend, Lucifer! He got me _two_ bikes! Isn’t he great?”  

All eyes turned to him and the wide eyed Detective at his side. Out of the mouths of babes, isn’t that what one of his brothers had once said? Aware that Chloe had yet to say anything, Lucifer fixed his most charming smile on and went to work. 

“Ladies, it’s such a pleasure to meet you all,” he purred and they were goners.  
He didn’t give Chloe time to protest Trixie’s misinformation because he quickly threw his arm over her shoulders and pulled her into his side. 

That seemed to break her out of her gaping surprise. 

“There’s um, tea and coffee in the kitchen. We’ve set up tables and food for the kids out back,” she managed to say and then the children were gone, tearing through the house like a hurricane to get outside and play. The presents were deposited in their arms as each mother passed into the house and they were left standing on the porch alone for a moment.

“Heart still in your throat?” he raised an eyebrow at her shocked expression.  
She nodded.

“Don’t think about it sweetheart,” he patted her shoulder and she nodded again. “Just go with the flow and you’ll get it over with quicker than you’d imagine. We can do damage control if you want.”

“Oh crap, Karen’s going to tell everyone,” she groaned suddenly, clearly not hearing his words from a moment before.

“Karen. Is she the one with the twins?”

“And the motor mouth. Yes.”

“Meow, Miss Decker,” he shot her a pleased look, leading her into the house and closing the front door. “Look it could be worse right? I mean, surely they know what kids are like. Just go and explain to them that we’re just friends and I’m sure they’ll understand." 

Chloe was biting her thumb nail while he talked, looking thoughtful.

"No,” she said suddenly and he tilted his head, waiting for her to explain. “At the school Christmas party last year, Karen told me I just had to wait and a nice average guy would come along. And she stressed the word average as hard as she could. So if you don’t mind,” she looked at him with a playful fire in her eyes. “I’m going to rub you in her face so much she’ll want to divorce that toad she’s married to.”

He laughed, thoroughly enjoying this naughty little side of the usually prim and proper Detective. “Well count me in love. A little mischief is all this day needs to be complete.”

With that, she’d gained herself a fake boyfriend for the next three and a half hours.

And, if she was honest, as far as fake boyfriends go… Lucifer was phenomenal.

He’d told them witty stories and doted on her, called her pet names and had even been cheeky enough to kiss the top of her head at one point. She hadn’t been able to take her eyes off of him. He was usually so suave, so aware of himself and completely out of touch with people’s feelings that it sometimes shocked her.

But like this, with his hair a little messy from Trixie’s hands earlier and his tee-shirt riding up every time he stretched, he seemed so human.

Plus, the increasingly sour look on Karen’s face with everything they did was just the icing on the cake of an altogether wonderful day.

The birthday cake was brought outside and the usual Happy Birthday was sung and when Chloe looked up from handing out slices, he was leaning lazily in the doorway with his arms crossed and his eyes firmly on her. The look he was giving her was entirely inappropriate for a children’s birthday party but she couldn’t even bring herself to care.

So she’d held his gaze until she’d been distracted again and when she’d looked back up, he was talking to Bernie. 

Marla wandered over to her when she was alone by the food table.

Karen, Sarah and Bernie were chatting idly amongst themselves and stealing glances at Lucifer every now and then, before going back to chatting. Chloe smirked, enjoying that they were a little jealous of her for once. 

Lucifer was oblivious, carrying Trixie around on his shoulders and being followed around by the other kids all of whom had taken a shine to him. Much to his horror.

“They’re jealous you know,” Marla laughed softly and Chloe couldn’t help her smile.

“I know.”

“Now, I love my man, don’t get me wrong. But damn, you won the lottery with this guy. Good with your kid, funny, charming and rich to boot,” she nudged Chloe in a teasing way and the Detective decided that she liked this woman a lot. She’d never met her before because her daughter was new to the school but yeah, she could see them becoming friends.

“Lucifer’s a good guy. I wouldn’t have been able to pull today off without him,” she muttered honestly and Marla nodded.

“And if you don’t mind me saying so, he’s easy on the eyes too,” she winked and Chloe couldn’t help but agree.

“Yeah he is,” she nodded, sipping her water and watching him over the rim of the cup as he demonstrated just how strong he was to impress the kids. She snorted. Didn’t like children her ass. He loved the attention he got from them. They, and Trixie especially, looked at him like he was the best thing since sliced bread and he revelled in every second of it. 

No matter how much he said he didn’t.

They wrapped up not long after, sending everyone on their way so they could get some dinner and Chloe waved especially brightly at Karen as she drove away. Lucifer chuckled darkly at her side.

“You,” he turned to her when they were finally out of sight. “Have a little bit of a mean streak in you, don’t you?”

She eyed him. “You must be a bad influence on me.”

“Yes, we all know just how bad don’t we?” He did so love the blush on her face when he brought up the incident at the club. He certainly still thought about it and he didn’t see why she wouldn’t. Best orgasm of her life after all.

“Stop being filthy. Let’s get pizza.”

“Now that’s an odd sentence,” he pointed out and followed her inside.

By the time eight thirty rolled around, Trixie had dozed off against Lucifer’s side in her pyjamas, while they watched another film and Chloe grinned at him when she noticed the pair.

“Now don’t lie to me. You love how much she loves you, don’t you?” she asked him all smug and happy and irritatingly pretty. He narrowed his eyes at her.

“I don’t happen to find your offspring completely repulsive and irritating, no.”

“You have such a sweet way with words Lucifer,” she rolled her eyes and bent to pick Trixie up. She whined in her sleep and protested with her arms squeezed tight around her chosen pillow’s midsection. Chloe gave him a look and he caved instantly.

“Oh very well. Come on then child,” he grumbled, shuffling her around until she was in his arms and being carried towards the bedroom, Chloe trailing after them. Trixie woke up as Lucifer placed her on her bed, rubbing her eyes tiredly and squinting up at him. “You know, I think you drooled on my shirt,” he gave her a look of mock annoyance and she broke into a tired, toothy smile.

“Will you be here in the morning?” she asked, a yawn engulfing half of her words.

“I’m afraid not. I do have a club to run after all.”

“Oh okay. Thank you for the bikes Lucifer,” she mumbled, half asleep again already. He patted her head and turned for the door, ignoring Chloe and the giggles she was clearly trying to stop. He glared at her, not even really meaning it as she closed the door softly behind her.

“Right, I’ll be off then. Call in about the case on Monday and we’ll hit up Kyle Holder’s house for clues,” he half ordered and half asked.

“Lucifer, you don’t have to go yet.”

“Oh,” he looked surprised, before covering his slip and trying to save face. “To your bedroom next then?”

She shook her head, smiling.

“Let’s have some wine. I think you deserve it after what you did today,” she ushered him in the direction of the kitchen, ignoring the questioning look he sent her over his shoulder. “That was the most amazing thing anyone’s ever done for me or for Trixie and I think a drink is the least I can do.”

He looked confused as he sat on a stool. “No-one’s ever crashed your child’s birthday party before with a gift? You haven’t lived Chloe.”

“Lucifer, before you arrived this morning I was set to have an awful day. Trix didn’t have the present she wanted and her dad’s in New York doing God knows what right now,” she shook her head, pouring two glasses of red wine from the bottle that Marla had brought as a thank you for the invitation. “Then in the space of ten minutes, she had two bikes, breakfast and a guy she happens to think is the best thing to ever happen to earth. And no,” she stopped him before he could speak. “The irony isn’t lost on me.”

At last, he decided to come clean. 

“It was an experiment of sorts if I’m honest,” he looked up at her sheepishly and when he saw her smile drop away, he quickly realised what he’d said. “Oh no! Not a bad one. I promise.”

“Okay…”

“I put it badly. I went to see Doctor Linda and what she said made me think. She suggested that I try a day in a human’s shoes. Since possession is really out of the question,” he cleared his throat. “I decided to give it a try another way.”

“So this,” she gestured to his outfit. “Was an attempt to be a little more human?”

“To understand you all better, yes. It’s the one thing I’ve never really attempted to do. So, humans generally buy presents for children on their birthday’s. They dress casually for such an event and I even got to see what it would be like to be a human boyfriend. How did I do?” he asked earnestly and she bit back a laugh.

“You’re sure that was your first time?”

“That good ey?" 

"Smug bastard,” she nudged him hard and he chuckled. “So, how was your first day of being one of us?”

“You know, it was surprisingly not bad. I mean, it’s significantly more boring than my usual life and filled with far less danger of course. But I did get to cause a little bit of mischief with that horrible lady Karen so it wasn’t a total loss-”

She cut him off with a hard kiss to his lips and after the initial surprise had worn off, he responded in kind and with just as much enthusiasm.

The perks of being human were few and far between, he thought to himself.

But this was definitely one of the better ones.

**Author's Note:**

> Be back soon folks.


End file.
